are you still at the devil's house?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
