If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
