Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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