what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
