I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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