I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
