Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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