You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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