You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
