Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
