And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
