Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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