i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
