whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
