so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
