I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
