My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
