Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
