I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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