Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
