Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
