I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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