I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
