I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
