Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
