Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
