I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
