you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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