his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
