why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
