but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm passing your future prison.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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