ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
