so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
