Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
