She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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