Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
