Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Be still, my beating vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
