Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
