I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
