And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
