I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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