I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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