East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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