So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
