I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
