My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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