3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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