I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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