i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
