i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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