I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
