Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
