Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
