Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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