I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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