new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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