I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My life is pants optional.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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