is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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