no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
