I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
