woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
