So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
