Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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