Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
