I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
