Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
