Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
