i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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