Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
