Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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