I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize